At first I wouldn't believe it, but it all makes sense after I thought about it:
My mom's always nagging on me to get myself a job, saying I gotta earn money.
...and so today I looked at her - really looked at her - across the dinner table, and I don't know if that nose has always been that big or what, but it's just not normal.
...and so I asked "Mom? What happened to your nose?" and mom was like "Oy vey, goyim, don't you talk about my beautiful nose like that.".
...and so I panicked and ran.
Behind me I could hear the creature that I thought had been my mother rummaging through the kitchen drawers for a knife to circumsize me with, and so I bolted into the bathroom and locked myself inside. I'm typing this on my phone.
My "mother" is right now outside the door, going "I'm kinda worried for you, sweetheart. You might be having one of those paranoid schizophrenic breaks that the doctor warned you about.", but who invented doctors? That's right: The jews did!
Jesus, who invented PHONES?!
Gotta go! Gotta flush this thing before it cuts off my non-jewish dick!
Jesus, the toilet! There's a jew squeezing its way up the toilet!